


Miss You Most at Christmas Time

by Athena_VM



Category: Figure Skating RPF, tessa virtue/scott moir - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Christmas, F/M, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love, Military, Missing in Action, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena_VM/pseuds/Athena_VM
Summary: It's December 20th and he's been gone for three months. She still sets a place for him at the table, as she does every day.Tessa knew they were whispering about her again. It was always the same. She was used to it. Jordan, her mother, Alma, Joe. Everyone tiptoed around her. They whispered among themselves, looks of concern on their faces. She felt like screaming at them. They couldn’t understand.
Relationships: Scott Moir & Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Comments: 18
Kudos: 50





	Miss You Most at Christmas Time

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this one-shot and had to write it. Merry Christmas, stay safe and I hope you enjoy this story!

Tessa knew they were whispering about her again. It was always the same. She was used to it. Jordan, her mother, Alma, Joe. Everyone tiptoed around her. They whispered among themselves, looks of concern on their faces. She felt like screaming at them. They couldn’t understand. They all invited themselves over often. She knew they were trying to check on her. They invited her to their houses. They tried to get her to _live_.

Now she was at Kate’s, the table set for three. She’d gone into the kitchen, collecting another plate and setting one more. Kate and Jordan had looked at her with pity in their eyes. She knew what they all whispered to each other. After three months without him, she still set a place at the table for him. Her family was sympathetic, but they felt she was making it worse for herself by behaving as she was. For them, he was gone, for Tessa he wasn’t.

She still felt him, she knew he wasn’t gone. She hoped her mind and body weren’t playing tricks on her but she hadn’t felt him go and she thought she’d somehow feel if he was gone, he’d been in her life since childhood. There was a deep connection there that had only gotten deeper once they’d realized the true extent of their feelings.

Lieutenant-Colonel (LCol) Scott Moir was listed as MIA. To her, that wasn’t death. They didn’t know. They just didn’t. She harassed his commanding officer weekly, sometimes more, asking for an update. There was none. There had been no news for three months now and it was just as raw as it had been that first day.

She thought she’d have an ally in Alma. But his grieving mother had accepted he was gone, she’d shut down, grieving and never the same again. She was a mother who had lost her youngest son. She knew that kind of pain was different from hers. She felt awful for his family. They’d all grieved him as if he was gone. But Tessa was stubborn. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t. She just knew it.

He was serving in Afghanistan when he’d gone missing. The army had no information to give them. Only that he was involved in a confidential mission and he’d been captured as far as they were aware. By the enemy. By those who no doubt would kill him and laugh. Or torture him or … Tessa shivered, she needed to stop thinking. She needed to get away from this kind of thinking. She straightened the fork by the plate she always set for him.

It was nearly Christmas. The 20th of December. There was the flurry of snow as it fell, dancing in the wind. The pavements were covered in snow and her home this year was bare. She had no lights up, no tree, nothing. She felt empty. There was nothing to celebrate. She was a shadow of her former self.

The day that call had come, she’d been excited to speak to him. He’d only been deployed in Afghanistan for a month when he’d gone missing. The fucking army couldn’t even keep him safe for a month. She’d moved on base with him before his deployment. They hadn’t been together all that long, though they had been in each other’s lives since childhood and best friends since their teens. When it had grown into the strongest love either of them had known, it had been natural. It had felt right to move together. Tessa worked off base at the university, teaching Physics and Astronomy. Scott was often involved in confidential work but he’d been teaching the new recruits so that he could spend more time with her. Then he’d been deployed and she’d had to let him go, never expecting that he’d go missing in action within the first month.

Dinner with her mother and Jordan went as it usually did. They tried getting her to talk but she’d pick at her food, saying little, trying to smile but it never reached her eyes. Kate and Jordan would give each other concerned looks that she’d pretend not to notice and then she’d bid them goodbye.

When she went home she felt so alone. There wasn’t the sound of Scott whistling in the kitchen as he whipped them up a delicious meal. There wasn’t the warmth in his eyes as he lifted her in a hug, happy to see her after a long day. He wasn’t there to gently massage her shoulders as she graded papers, or to sweep her up in an impromptu dance just because he wanted to hold her close. She missed every part of him.

She wondered how long the base would let her stay sometimes. She didn’t want to leave their home. It was a nice home, it was their first home together, it was filled with love. Except now it wasn’t. It was filled only with the silence of her melancholy. It was filled with her tears, with her cries of anguish. It was filled with her silent meals when she remembered to eat something and the second plate she always set for Scott. She didn’t care what that looked like. She wasn’t crazy. There was no formula to grief. She’d survived the last three months living with the hope that he would walk right back through that door. That she’d feel his arms around her again. Hear his laughter, see the way his whole face lit up when she laughed at his jokes. The same jokes that had made them laugh for twenty years. He looked at her with so much adoration. She looked at him the same way. 

At night she got into the cold bed, cold since the moment he’d left. She’d sleep on his side, she’d cuddle his pillow, closing her eyes and trying to imagine his arms, his warmth, the way he showered her with love and affection. She tried not to think about what it would mean for her to never feel his arms around her again, to never feel his kisses. She couldn’t think about that. If she thought about that she’d fall apart.

She hadn’t worked for the last three months. She’d taken a leave of absence from the university. She could barely face getting out of bed each day, let alone putting on a brave face as if the love of her life wasn’t missing somewhere in Afghanistan. _If_ he was still alive. Everyone else seemed to have given up hope but she hadn’t. She wouldn’t.

Her pain was immense every day, it felt like she’d lost her reason to smile. But every night when she sat down for dinner, she’d set a place for Scott too. She’d keep the plate empty of course, she wasn’t so delusional that she actually expected him to walk through the door. At first she barely ate, let alone sat down at the table. She could be found laying on the couch, not even having changed out of her pajamas during the first month. She’d barely slept, barely ate, barely functioned. Knowing Scott was out there, captured, maybe tortured, maybe injured, maybe never coming home to her meant she couldn’t cope with everyday life. She could exist, but she wasn’t living. Not really.

She missed him. It was nearly Christmas. He was meant to be home with her. They were meant to decorate the tree together, hide presents for each other, bake Christmas goodies together (in truth, Scott would be the one baking, she’d be the one eating). They were supposed to kiss under the mistletoe. It was all so unfair. This was their first Christmas together. She fell into a restless sleep, tears on her cheeks.

She was woken by the sound of an incessant buzzing she didn’t immediately identify. Then she saw her phone lighting up with an unknown number. It was so late, who could possibly be looking for her at this time? She always answered unknown calls, just in case it was news about Scott. She did this time too.

“Hello?” she answered.

There was static and crackling on the line. She could barely hear anything beyond that. She frowned. “Hello?” she said again.

“Tess.” The voice was weak, but she immediately sat up in bed, her heart racing.

“Scott?” Her voice shook.

“Tess.” His breathing was laboured and she tried not to panic, taking a few deep breaths.

“Scott.” Tears ran down her cheeks.

“Listen, I don’t have much time.” Scott’s voice sounded far away through the static. “I escaped. I hurt my leg. If they catch me, I’m dead. I love you. I needed to tell you that I love you so much.”

“I love you. I love you so much, Scott.” Tessa was crying now, unable to believe she was really hearing his voice.

“Give these coordinates to the General,” he seemed in a hurry now, the line crackling so much she thought she’d lost him for a moment.

She rushed to write them down, wanting to say more but the line went dead.

“Scott! Scott!”

She could barely see through tears, wondering if this was some dream she’d wake up from, her mind having played such a cruel trick on her. She couldn’t waste time though. She got on the phone immediately, making the call she needed to make. She didn’t care if it was 2 am. She had the General’s number and she was using it. Sure, she could ring the army to report it but by the time they transferred her to the right area, they would be losing precious time. It was time Scott didn’t have.

“General!” she said in a panicked voice as he sleepily answered.

“Yes?” he asked. “Tessa?” He was used to her calls seeking information but she’d never woken him at this time of night. He sat up.

“Scott called me. He escaped. He’s injured. You have to go get him. Please, please.” Tessa was sobbing now and she heard General Harris inhale sharply.

“You’re sure?” he asked urgently.

“Positive. He called just now. Please rescue him. Please. He gave me coordinates,” she said tearfully.

She rattled them off quickly, General Harris assuring her that they’d get onto this immediately. Tessa hung up, shivering with nerves. This was it. He’d either come back to her or he’d be killed trying to escape. All these months not knowing and she was the only one who had held onto hope. His parents had grieved him and continued to grieve every day. They’d grieved as if he was dead. His brothers too didn’t talk much, the whole family had been rocked and never been the same again since that day three months ago. The call that day had been to say he was MIA, that they were sorry they didn’t know more and they’d do what they could to find him if he was alive.

It had been the day Tessa had practically stopped living. She’d been happy, she’d loved Scott, she’d loved their life. Then he was deployed and they’d accepted that circumstance. They’d stayed in contact as much as possible. Scott made her feel so loved even when he was so far away.

The General was already barking orders at his team. His wife, Rebecca, had been woken by the commotion. She was already dressing. She knew well what Tessa had been through in the last few months since Scott’s disappearance. She imagined she would need support at this moment so she got ready and got in the car to drive to Tessa’s. As a psychologist, she often counselled her husband’s squadron and their families, and she’d developed a soft spot for young Tessa. She’d heard the sheer terror in Tessa’s voice. She knew Tessa had hope but now the clock was ticking. Every second that went by counted. Scott was in danger every moment he wasn’t rescued from his captors. He had escaped, but for how long? 

She knew Tessa’s family had not been supportive of her method of coping. She knew the method of coping, acting like Scott would be coming back and continuing to set a place for him at the table. It was still grieving, in her own way. She had told Rebecca when they’d spoken that she thought she’d feel it if something had happened to Scott. Like a twin connection. She’d feel the moment he was no longer with her. And she hadn’t felt that yet. Despite what everyone told her, to accept that Scott was gone and not dwell on it the way she did every day, she hadn’t. She’d refused to accept it. He was missing, unless she received confirmation he hadn’t made it, she would continue to believe he was alive. And he was. He was alive and trying to get back to her. 

Tessa got up, shivering. She’d gone into shock of sorts. She’d heard his voice. She’d heard him tell her he loved her. She ripped the duvet off the bed, covering herself with it. She wrapped herself in it, shivering, tears streaming down her face. Now what? Now would they keep her updated? What would they do? Was there ridiculous red tape to get through before they sent a team in Afghanistan to rescue Scott? She heard the knock on her door, unable to move from her position on the bed, covered in the duvet.

“Tessa?” It was Rebecca.

“I’m here,” she sobbed, still shivering.

Rebecca had let herself in, knowing where the spare key was and she quickly ran up the stairs, finding Tessa covered in the duvet, wrapped like a burrito, shivering uncontrollably.

“Tess, I need you to breathe for me, okay? Why don’t you go have a shower and warm up?”

“Tell me they’re looking. Tell me they’re not going to wait for hours to find him. Tell me he’s coming home,” sobbed Tessa.

“You know how much John considers Scott a son to him. He was already yelling at the team in Afghanistan when I left,” said Rebecca calmly.

Tessa visibly calmed. She knew the General respected Scott, she knew that the team was close-knit. His friends and colleagues missed him.

“Come on, go warm up, I’ll be here manning the phone,” said Rebecca, wrapping her arms around Tessa.

Tessa nodded, shrugging the duvet off and disappearing into the bathroom. She shivered continually, her teeth chattering. She tried to calm herself under the hot water. It felt surreal. She’d heard his voice. He’d told her he loved her. He was coming home. Or he would if they were lucky.

Rebecca considered who to call to be there with Tessa and decided to call Jordan. She found the number in Tessa’s phone and called. Jordan sounded half asleep as she answered.

“For the zillionth time, Tess, stop torturing yourself,” mumbled Jordan.

She was used to Tessa’s calls during the night. She’d dream of Scott, she’d wake up crying and needing him. She’d worry he was hurt and in danger.

“It’s Rebecca Harris,” said Rebecca.

Jordan opened her eyes, taking note of the time. It was nearly 3 am and General Harris’ wife was calling her from Tessa’s phone. Shit. She hoped that this wasn’t the day that Tessa found out Scott had died. She knew she was struggling knowing he was missing but she didn’t know how she’d cope with confirmation that he was gone.

“I’m listening,” said Jordan quickly.

“I need you to come here and be with Tessa. She’s going to need your support,” said Rebecca.

“What happened?” asked Jordan, her mouth dry.

“Scott called Tessa tonight. He escaped but we need to get him out before they find him. I don’t need to tell you how time-sensitive this is,” said Rebecca.

“He’s alive?” Jordan was shocked.

“Alive and hopefully we can get him home,” said Rebecca. “Tessa’s gone into shock. I just sent her to shower, she’s shivering constantly. I’m going to stay and keep her company until you get here.”

“Thank you, Rebecca. I’m coming,” said Jordan, in shock herself.

Scott was alive? And he’d called Tessa? This was huge. She hoped the army wouldn’t sit there waiting and were already on their way. Tessa couldn’t be given this hope only to have it taken away in the worst way possible.

Even after her shower, Tessa kept shivering, Rebecca making her some chamomile tea and trying to keep her as calm as possible while she waited for news. When Jordan arrived, Rebecca hugged Tessa and assured her she was just a phone call away as she left.

“Jord!” Tessa threw her arms around her sister, bursting into tears. “I can’t lose him, not now.”

“He’s going to be okay. He’s strong and it’s just a matter of time now before he’s rescued, you’ll see,” Jordan assured her.

Their entire family had thought he’d been killed, feeling terrible for Tessa that she continued to hold onto the hope he was alive, but she’d been right. He was alive and she hoped that soon they would be receiving good news.

The time ticked by so slowly it was like time had stood still. Every second was crucial for Scott. Tessa paced, her face tense. Jordan sat on the couch, watching her. There was silence, neither trying to speak. Jordan was still shocked, wondering how his family must be taking it. Tessa hadn’t called them but she was sure that someone from Scott’s team must have.

Tessa looked at the time. Five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes. How was there no update since she’d called General Harris? She wanted to call again and again until someone gave her answers. But she didn’t want to interrupt their search for Scott. They didn’t need her hysterical calls demanding news. When the phone rang, it was General Harris. He told her the team had been sent to extract Scott. That was all he could say, but it gave her hope that this was it. That he’d be coming home to her today.

She couldn’t speak, she just waited. She worried incessantly that when the line had gone dead that something had happened to Scott. She searched her feelings. No, it still didn’t feel like he was gone. The line had gone dead for another reason. The line had been so crackly it could just be that, that he was using something to call her that wouldn’t last long. He’d been quick and she’d at least heard the coordinates he’d given her before that precious connection with him had ceased to function.

Scott ran through the trees, his left leg throbbed, he could barely get it moving, letting it drag as he tried to get to safety. He almost felt faint with relief as he heard the helicopter above him. It was them. The Canadian Army was here to rescue him. He tried to use the minimal strength he had left to attach himself to the winch that had been lowered, failing and panicking as he knew that he was being tracked and both he and the team in the helo were in danger. The winch disappeared, this time an officer being lowered to grab Scott and get him into the helicopter safely. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, but then he felt the hard floor of the helo against his back. His friend and fellow officer, Jesse, fell to his knees beside him.

“We’ve got you, buddy,” he said. “We’ve got you. You’re safe.”

He slipped in and out of consciousness but he was aware of being taken onto a jet on a stretcher, he was aware of the makeshift medical facility on the plane. He was aware of the pain of his broken ribs, gasping for air with only one lung fully functioning and the pain of his broken leg that he’d continued to run on to reach safety.

Huddled on the couch, Tessa was losing hope. She hugged the cushion to her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks. The nightmare would either get a million times worse today or it would end. He would either be captured again and killed for trying to escape or he’d come home to her. She tried not to panic. It had been hours since the call from Scott. If the army mismanaged this and didn’t get to him in time she thought they’d need to watch out for her ire. Jordan sat silently, both of them jumping when the phone rang.

Tessa fumbled for it, breathless as she answered. She burst into tears, listening to General Harris. Jordan had no idea what had happened, she worried it was the worst outcome as Tessa sobbed.

“They’ve got him, he’s on his way back to Canada,” said Tessa, hanging up the phone.

“Oh wow, Tess, he’s coming home. This whole ordeal is nearly over,” said Jordan with relief.

Tessa sank down onto the floor, feeling faint with relief. Jordan must have thought she really was going to faint because she felt a different wetness on her between the floods of tears. It was Jordan running a cold washcloth over her face.

“Jord, he’s coming,” she murmured.

“He is, now you need to rest. This isn’t a short flight for him so you need to sleep and relax,” said Jordan.

“No, no, no, he might need me,” said Tessa, shaking her head.

“He’s injured sweetie, he needs to get treatment and you will see him when he arrives,” said Jordan.

Tessa curled up onto the couch, falling asleep with Jordan’s reassurance it was best to sleep. So that she would be rested when she saw Scott.

She did sleep, at some point Jordan woke her and got her upstairs into her bed. She clung to Jordan like she had when she was a little girl and had woken from a nightmare. Jordan stayed with her, kissing her forehead and letting Tessa sleep against her. She had told Kate, she’d asked her not to come rushing over. Tessa needed calm and a house full of people all agonizing with her over when they’d see Scott wasn’t what she needed.

She still hadn’t called Alma but she rang Rebecca while Tessa slept, asking her if his parents had been informed. She was told they had. That an officer had been sent to their house to tell them in person. Alma had collapsed from shock. She’d believed her son was dead and now she was told he was alive and on his way back to Canada. There was a vigil at their house now, numerous family members there waiting for more news.

Jordan was glad that Tessa was here, that she could try to cope with this with support from Rebecca and from herself rather than being surrounded. She figured Scott would be taken straight to the hospital and that Tessa would be the first one to see him. Surely she’d be given that right. Whether that hospital was here on the base or elsewhere, she didn’t know.

Even in his state, Scott knew the moment the plane touched down in Canada that the ordeal he’d been through was over. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but he was here. He was home. He was taken straight to the hospital and all he could think about was Tessa. He wondered if she’d moved on. If she had someone. It had been months and she hadn’t known if he was alive or dead. He prepared for the pain of not finding Tessa waiting. He wanted to go home to her, struggling against the doctors and nurses who were trying to get him into a hospital bed. They needed to let him get to Tessa. He had to see her. He felt the prick of a needle and then there was nothing.

When Tessa woke to find no further updates, she nearly fell apart. She couldn’t bear not knowing. She wished she could be privy to more information about what was happening. But she was a civilian. She wasn’t privy to a lot of things. Jordan forced her to eat something, making her some eggs that Tessa ate with difficulty. Then she paced, wearing an imaginary line into the carpet as she continually moved around the living room. She suddenly realized as she paced, Jordan sitting there silently watching her, that Scott would be coming home. She went into a flurry of activity. She packed him some clothes in a bag to take with her to the hospital. She put new sheets on their bed, she fluffed his pillow. She tried to make herself look presentable.

When the phone rang again, she answered it with breathless anticipation.

“Tessa, Scott is here at the base hospital,” said General Harris, gently. He heard her gasp, the tears immediate.

“Is he … is he … okay?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“He’s injured but he’ll heal. He’s not in any immediate danger,” said General Harris.

“Can I see him?” she asked.

“I’ll send someone to pick you up now so you can be with him,” said General Harris.

She stammered her thanks, trying to pull herself together. If she was to see Scott, he couldn’t see her like this. She’d be strong for him. She couldn’t sob hysterically. She needed to be there for him. He was the one who had been through hell. She had too, but in a different way.

Tessa almost held her breath. She felt faint as she saw him, the nurse gripping her elbow to steady her as Tessa shakily approached him.

She wanted to run to him and never let him go but she had to hold herself back. She couldn’t crush him to her in sheer relief. He was injured and she had to hold herself. He needed her to not fall apart right now.

His handsome face was gaunt but otherwise just as she remembered. His hair was matted, having grown too long. There was an oxygen mask covering his face and she looked at the nurse.

“Punctured lung,” she said, clearly trying to be gentle as she advised the injuries Scott had suffered.

Tessa gasped, becoming tearful. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, his torso bandaged. He was thinner than she remembered and she bit her lip worriedly.

“Broken ribs,” said the nurse, seeing her look. “That’s what caused the collapsed lung.”

Tessa nodded numbly, looking at his injured leg.

“Broken leg. He doesn’t need surgery at this stage. It’s been set as you can see, he’ll have the cast for a while.”

Tessa nodded. “He’s okay otherwise?”

“Malnourished and dehydrated, but otherwise fine,” said the nurse.

“Is he asleep?” asked Tessa.

“We had to sedate him. He put up a fight when we were trying to treat him. He kept saying he needed to get home to you,” said the nurse, shaking her head.

Tessa smiled through tears. “He’s stubborn. He has to stay here and get better.”

The nurse smiled. “You can stay here with him, the sedation should start to wear off soon.”

Tessa sat in the chair by his bed, reaching out to take his hand. There were rough callouses on his hands and she leaned down and kissed his hand. Tears streamed down her face, largely tears of relief. He was here. He was back in Canada. He was injured but he’d be okay. Somehow the nightmare was nearly over.

She sat there, her eyes on him constantly, almost unable to believe he was here. He was pale but he was hooked up to fluids and nutrients and she knew he’d get his colour back, he’d heal and she’d happily nurse him back to full health. And she was never letting him be deployed ever again.

Scott groaned a little as he started to wake. He opened his eyes, almost ripping everything off him as he sat up, startled. He moaned from pain and Tessa quickly placed her hands on his arms, her touch soothing. She’d initially gasped on seeing his back when he sat up, there were scars there as if he’d been whipped. She quickly recovered, trying to hide her shock from him.

“Scott, it’s me. Don’t move, you need to rest,” she said soothingly.

She gently pushed him back down and she could see him struggle to keep his eyes open.

“Tess?” he asked, his voice breaking.

“It’s me, shhh. I’m right here, you rest,” said Tessa, kissing his forehead softly.

“Tessa.” He said her name, his eyes on her, though rather unfocused as he still fought against the effects of the sedation.

“Hey handsome, go back to sleep, okay? I’ll be here,” said Tessa, soothingly.

“Marry me,” he said.

“What?” asked Tessa, surprised.

“If I ever got to see you again … I told myself … I’d marry you,” said Scott. His voice broke and he struggled not to break down.

Tessa’s smile was soft as she looked at him, here he was having been through so much and one of his first thoughts was marrying her. She felt incredibly lucky to live her life by his side.

“You’re so sweet, Scott. There’s plenty of time to talk about that, you rest now,” she said, wanting to keep him as calm as possible. She was obviously very affected by what he’d just said. And she knew she wanted it, but she didn’t want him to worry about that now. They had time.

Scott tried to get the oxygen mask off and she tutted at him. “You leave that on.”

“Tessa,” he said, his voice raspy.

She kissed his cheek, then she did briefly lift his mask off to lightly kiss his lips. They were dry and he almost sobbed, feeling her affection against his skin. He’d been starved of not just food and water but of her affection.

“Tess, I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you so much,” said Tessa, kissing his lips once more and putting the oxygen mask back on him securely.

“Tessa,” he said again.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re home, that’s all that matters right now,” she soothed.

He let himself relax, giving in to the intense drowsiness, feeling Tessa’s hand holding his.

The next time he woke, he felt more alert, more aware of the pain in various parts of his body. Tessa sat beside him, her hand holding his.

“I didn’t dream it,” he mumbled.

“You didn’t dream it,” said Tessa with a soft smile. “Welcome home.”

He felt the tears welling up, realizing that for the first time in three months he was safe. He’d been kept alive as collateral, but his enemies had certainly taken pleasure in starving him, leaving him without adequate water and subjecting him to torture. Now he was in a hospital bed but he was safe. And Tessa was here. He’d kept the will to live alive thinking about seeing her beautiful face again. She was here, her warm hand in his, her lips soft against his forehead.

“I thought I might never see your beautiful face again,” he murmured, his hand shaking as he reached out to caress her cheek.

“Every day I waited to see you,” said Tessa quietly, leaning into his touch.

She saw him blinking back tears and she gently hugged him. She let him cry, knowing he’d been through hell and he’d be relieved to find himself back home. She could never understand what he’d been through. She could only do everything she could to support him.

She had to leave the room when General Harris arrived. She wasn’t allowed to stay. She knew the details Scott would tell the General were different from the version she’d hear. She didn’t want to know the extent of it, she thought it was almost better not knowing. The General had done everything in his power to get their team tracking Scott as quickly as possible after being informed. Within the hour he’d informed the team they’d be locating and extracting Scott. They had succeeded and now he was home.

There wasn’t much talking when she returned to his side. He was probably exhausted from having to speak to the General about his experience. She figured it wouldn’t be a debrief here and now but that something would have been discussed. She simply held his hand, studying him as if she needed to memorize him again. But she didn’t want to memorize him like this. She wanted to see him the way she remembered him.

He would fall asleep and wake again almost as if expecting to find himself elsewhere. She reassured him he was safe every time he woke up. He’d struggle briefly and try to remove the IV from his arm but she soothingly stroked his skin, whispering that he was safe. He was here and he was safe, over and over. He’d relax, reaching out to touch her cheek. He traced her face, not speaking as he kept his eyes glued to hers. His finger traced her jaw, then her lips. He blinked back the emotion as she took the opportunity to kiss his fingers.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured.

“What are you sorry about?” she asked.

“This. All of this,” he said.

Tessa shook her head. “I’m just so grateful you’re here.”

“Have you been okay?” he asked quietly.

Tessa smiled sadly. “No, but what’s important is that you’re okay.”

“You haven’t been okay?” he asked.

“I didn’t know whether the love of my life was alive or dead for the past three months. I wasn’t okay. I stopped living the day you went missing,” admitted Tessa.

Scott squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry I put you through all this.”

Tessa shook her head. “You’re serving your country, there is no apology needed. I just wish it hadn’t gone so wrong.”

“I’m so glad you’re here, I waited every day to see you again,” said Scott.

“Me too,” said Tessa softly.

She waited in the room when they came to take him for a scan to check on his injured lung, he’d been breathing much better so she hoped it was fine and healing as expected. He was brought back and immediately reached for her hand again, smiling as Tessa leaned down to kiss his hand. The pain medication made him drowsy and Tessa encouraged him gently not to fight the drowsiness. He listened to her, letting his eyes close.

She was vigilant in taking care of him and when he woke up again she was studying his matted hair. She had discussed it with the doctor while he’d been sleeping and was told she was free to attempt to clear the knots otherwise they could assist to shave it off.

His hair was usually soft and fluffy, kept short to adhere to regulations and she loved his waves. Now it was dry and matted together.

“Can’t we just shave it off?” he mumbled as he watched her appear to be setting up for a session of detangling his hair. She even had cooking oil.

“Hi, handsome.” She kissed his forehead. “If you want, we can do that, of course. Do you want me to try though?” she asked.

He nodded. “Oil?” he asked, glancing at the bottle on the table at his bedside.

“The nurse said it would help detangle it,” she said.

He sat patiently while she did everything with a towel over his shoulders and a towel over the pillow too so she wouldn’t make a mess. It took some time, though soon she was combing through his hair smoothly. It was dry and damaged from his time in captivity and it needed a cut but she was glad it looked like he didn’t need to shave it off.

She bristled at the thought of a nurse bathing him and volunteered to do it herself when they came to take him to the shower. He looked almost amused at her and decided not to tell her he’d already been bathed when he was rescued. By a male nurse, so she couldn’t even be outraged at the thought. No one had done anything about his hair yet. Tessa had detangled it though and she carefully washed his hair in the shower as he sat on a chair, his leg elevated. He relaxed as her fingers gently massaged his scalp. His hair clean and tangle-free, she focused on his body, carefully washing him, keeping the bandages dry.

“I look like hell,” he mumbled as she gently patted his skin dry.

“You’ve been through hell,” corrected Tessa. “But you’re still my gorgeous Scott.”

“You’re amazing, Tessa,” he murmured.

“I just want to take care of you,” she said, kissing him.

“I love you so much,” he said emotionally.

“I love you so much,” said Tessa.

He felt so much love in her every touch. She carefully dressed him again in a hospital gown, she dried his hair, combing through it again to make sure there were no knots. A nurse helped her get him back to bed and then she sat there fussing over him and got into bed next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder, making sure she didn’t touch any part of his bandages. He shyly asked if she had lip balm, conscious of how dry and cracked his lips were and wanting to be able to kiss her without worrying that his lips were so dry. She smiled and squeezed his hand. She picked up her handbag and pulled out a small tube of lip balm. She squeezed some onto her finger and smoothed it over his lips. He thanked her, relaxing as she soothingly stroked his arm. She refused to leave at the end of visiting hours and he went to sleep again with Tessa by his side.

Every day she was there when he woke up, she sat by his bedside throughout the day, watching as the colour slowly returned to his cheeks. Every day they didn’t talk about the ordeal, they simply took the time to be together.

On Christmas Eve, Scott’s family was allowed to see him. There were tears, though it was toned down. Everyone knew that after everything he’d been through, the last thing he needed was a dramatic reunion. His parents cried and embraced him, his brothers did too and Tessa’s mother and sister waited their turn too. They embraced him and told him how happy they were to see him but they all left to allow Tessa the chance to spend the evening with him.

Tessa arranged a small Christmas Eve dinner that Scott was only able to pick at but he loved to have Tessa by his side. She wore a ridiculous Reindeer Christmas sweater to make him laugh, a red ribbon in her hair, and Christmas earrings. She hadn’t decorated their home but she happily decorated herself if only to make Scott smile. He did, he told her she was beautiful, and he even let her put a Santa hat on his head. He couldn’t eat much, he could only have a little but she didn’t mind. The important thing was having him with her.

On Christmas Day, his family returned to spend time with him and Tessa patiently waited, accepting their hugs, knowing they were all going through the same. They had Scott back and that was what they focused on. Not on their relief and emotion to see him back safe but on making him feel relaxed and not overloading him with their emotions.

His friends and colleagues weren’t allowed to visit yet but General Harris brought well wishes with him from many of them. Scott was a much-loved member of the team and it showed. He left a wrapped gift on Scott’s table, telling them both to relax and enjoy the day together.

Scott lamented that he had no gift for Tessa as she sat beside him and kissed his lips softly. She threw him an amused look.

“I already got the best gift, which is having you home safe for Christmas,” she said.

“I got the best gift too, getting to come home to you,” he said.

Tessa kissed his cheek, having to refrain from cuddling into his embrace. She’d often have to stop herself. He had broken ribs and needed to get better before she could hug him as tightly as she wanted to. He seemed to sense her dilemma, his arm going around her shoulders. She leaned her head against his shoulder and they sat there watching a Christmas movie on the television in Scott’s room.

The days passed that way, Tessa would sleep by his bedside every night in a bed that had been brought in for her. Scott would wake from a nightmare sometimes during the night and she’d lay down next to him, soothing him and making sure he didn’t hurt himself.

When he woke sometimes, his first reaction was to try to get the things that were helping him off. In his sleepy confusion, with the trauma still so fresh, he’d think he was back in Afghanistan fighting for his life. The bandages, the cast, the IV, were all things he tried to remove and Tessa soothed him, her touch and soft voice calming his panic as he woke and expected to be in the same danger he’d been in before. Because of her comfort, his panic would ease before he was able to do himself harm. Tessa knew he’d never harm her even in his panic, so she would place gentle pressure on both of his hands until his breathing calmed, and then she’d let go, knowing he would relax and go back to sleep.

He’d be off his feet for weeks, his ribs would take weeks to heal, the leg would take even longer and once he’d received adequate nutrients and hydration, he was released. His lung was also healing well and he was sent home with instructions he knew Tessa would be following to a tee and also a formula she had to make him drink to increase his weight and continue to provide the nutrients he’d been starved of.

His stomach dropped for a moment when she brought him home and helped him get settled into the guest room. “Tess? What about our room?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t want you trying to get up and down the stairs,” murmured Tessa, kissing his cheek. “We have a new room until you’re healed.”

“You’re staying with me?” he asked, relieved.

“Scott, of course,” said Tessa. “What do you think?” she added, her forehead creased with worry.

“That you thought I was dead. You might have … moved on,” he mumbled. He knew it was stupid. She’d just spent all of her time with him at the hospital, her days and her nights, and he still needed to ask. It was obvious how much she loved him.

She shook her head vigorously. “No, never.” She kissed his cheek. “I didn’t believe you were dead. I lived with the hope every day that you would come back to me. Our families have quietly thought I was crazy these last few months.”

“Why?” asked Scott.

“Because I wouldn’t believe you were gone. I couldn’t. And I … every day I set an extra place for you at the table,” she mumbled, looking down at the bedsheet.

None of these discussions had taken place at the hospital. She’d wanted to keep him relaxed and didn’t want to add to his worries by asking him if there had been anyone else or admitting to him just how bad the last few months had been for her. What mattered was that he was safe. That he was healing.

“Oh, Tess,” said Scott, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her cheek.

“Did you? With anyone?” asked Tessa, her eyes on his.

“Tess, no. I am faithful to you. No matter how long I was captured, I would have remained faithful to you,” he said, caressing her hair.

She kissed him with relief, feeling him respond.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you,” said Tessa as she got comfortable next to him.

“Did you think about it?” he asked quietly. “What I asked you at the hospital?”

Tessa smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. “I don’t need to think about my answer, Scott. I just know that you have been through so much,” she said, her eyes on his.

“That doesn’t mean that it counts less,” said Scott immediately.

“I know,” said Tessa, stroking his arm. “You’re so sweet. How about we make a deal? You know my answer. I would always marry you. I just want you to focus on getting better. We can talk about this again officially when you’re better.”

“Okay,” he said. He smiled. “You said yes.”

“I said yes,” said Tessa with a smile. She stroked his hair. “You rest. We have bones to heal, nutrients to increase, and I am here for you every step of the way.”

“Thank you. I’m so grateful for you, Tess,” said Scott.

“I’m grateful for you. I’m so grateful you’re here with me,” said Tessa, kissing his cheek.

She rested with him, finding herself nestled against his side later. She’d slept so restlessly the past three months that she needed the sleep too. She was surprised to find it had been a few hours that she’d been asleep, Scott’s touch gentle as he stroked her back.

“Scott, are you okay?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

“I’m fine,” said Scott. He smiled. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe I slept so long. But I needed it,” said Tessa.

Scott stroked her hair. “Will you ever tell me how bad it was?”

Tessa bit her lip. “Slowly. Not all now.” She buried her face in his neck, kissing him there and taking strength from him. He nodded, understanding.

“Will you ever tell me?” asked Tessa quietly.

“Do you really want to know, Tess? You know the basic gist of it,” he said.

“You were tortured,” said Tessa, her heart hurting.

Scott tried to smile at her reassuringly though there was pain in his eyes. “I can’t give you details, both because it’s confidential and because I don’t think it would help you to know those things. Just know that I’m okay,” he said.

Tessa blinked back tears. “You’re okay,” she repeated. “You’re home with me.”

“It’s where I belong,” he said, kissing her.

“Always,” said Tessa, burying her face in the crook of his neck, her arms around his shoulders. She wanted to hold him forever. To keep him safe and not let him go.

When he had enough strength to get up, maneuvering around on crutches, his body having filled out a bit and his face less gaunt, she planned a special dinner. She helped him sit, his leg elevated on another chair. She set the table for two, realizing that this time he was here with her. She wasn’t doing it without the expectation of filling that plate. She was doing it for him, just as she had every day for the time he’d been missing. He was home.

He saw her emotion, realizing why, and he placed his hand on her arm. “You fill that plate, okay?” He smiled at her, stroking her back.

She nodded tearfully, leaning down to kiss his lips. “I will.”


End file.
